


No Margin For Error

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Changing Tenses, Dark, Depression, Gen, Sad Ending, Suicide, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-08
Updated: 2003-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22991842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Jonas corrects his greatest error in the only way he knows how. However, Daniel’s reaction may not be what he had expected.
Kudos: 5





	No Margin For Error

**Author's Note:**

> _I was depressed when I wrote this story so it is dark and some may find it slightly disturbing. Consider yourselves warned.Thanks so much to Dee Dee for beta! _hugs_

# No Margin For Error

I’m not a warrior; I was never meant to be. I was born and raised as a scholar. This was my purpose in life; to learn and to give knowledge. To help my country in any way I could. Now, everything has turned upside now and I can no longer find my way.

It has been four months since I fled to Earth. Four months since Daniel Jackson died…Four months since I committed the greatest error I’ve ever done. I froze up, I was afraid. Everything happened so fast and before I could pull myself together Daniel had given his life for all of us. That was never his duty or burden to bear; it was mine. I who had been breed and raised for this one purpose; to serve Callonia in any and all ways I could.

I grew up in a country torn by war, in a world always on the bridge of destruction. Before I reached the age of six the government had learnt of my extraordinary learning abilities and I left my family behind, never to see them again. I can no longer remember them, only vague and blurry spots in the back of my mind. I went from one school to the next, a mixture of military and science. My family was no longer important; I was a ward of the state and my family was my country. I had one purpose and it was to serve and aid my country. Growing up I had no friends and no time for any social activities. All my time was spent studying, absorbing as much knowledge as possible. The more I read the more knowledge I was able to absorb. Slowly and painfully my learning rate became greater and bigger. I never saw much of the normal life of Callonia; I grew up in high security schools where backstabbing among the bright students had been common practice to gain advantage over ones competitors; second best would never cut it. The programs were brutal and final. Failure was not an option and meant torture and eventually death. All mistakes had consequences; one way or another all markers had to be paid. I’ve lost count of all the times where I’ve been slapped over the waist or felt a whip on my back for having been so exhausted I fell asleep over my books. Thing is that even if my teacher had beat me raw the day before I would still work as fast and efficiently as possible the next day to try and earn his praise. I guess that was all I, as a person, really wanted. Someone who cared for me. Without family and friends I had only colleagues and the people you nod a respectful hello to but no one who truly cared.

Coming to Earth I’ve seen what I never had and now I know I’ll never have it. This is an alien world and culture and no matter what I do then it’s never good enough. I made a terrible mistake and no matter if I meant to or not then Daniel Jackson died. I know they all look at me and wish they saw him; I know they cared for him but were I to die no one would shed a tear. My world views me a traitor and this world (doesn’t) really want me.

I let the talk of freedom, love and friendship cloud my judgement. I became the curious child I had never been allowed to be; I wanted to do and see so much. Now that light has burnt out. I should have seen it from the beginning; they do not wish me here. I did not leave Hell for Paradise but merely left one prison for another.

All I have left is to try and end this with honour. I have nothing to fight for, no purpose anymore. I have no one who’ll mourn me. I should have done this long ago; at least now I’ll finally do something right.

“Dr. Jackson…Daniel. Forgive me, please.“

Time seems to stop, everything is quiet, and the clock seems loud in this office, which was once Daniel’s. Putting the knife against my wrist I close my eyes and pull the knife over the sensitive flesh in one quick and fluent motion. The pain is worse than I expected and with a gasp I fall to my knees as I feel myself grow weaker. Wherever I go…. I hope I’ll be able to do right there and not make all the mistakes I did here. At least this last thing I did right.

A small hopeful smile was on Jonas’ face, as he lay still on the floor, the blood slowly colouring everything around him red. His eyelids grew heavy and he was slipping into darkness as he thought he heard a voice yell:  
”NO! Don’t do this!”

Puzzled by the voice Jonas’ eyes opened a little but he had trouble focusing over the pain and the numbness. He felt so…tired and terribly cold and he knew both were because of the blood loss.

“Daniel?” he whispered softly. Then he smiled as the darkness began to swallow him whole. He had done right; he had done the right thing, the honourable thing. He had done what he should have done from the beginning…He had died for Daniel Jackson, giving his life to him.

‘Here…it’s all yours now. I’m sorry.’ That was his last thought before everything became blank.

“NO!”

A heartbeat stilled faster than the wordless scream could ring through the compound.

The End


End file.
